You're Not Like Other Girls

The other night, I watched Sex and the City 2 from the DVD I ordered from NetFlix. The movie was horrible... I mean I watched the entire run of SatC and loved the show, I even watched the first movie and rather enjoyed it, but this second one just dragged on and on and on without any plot. Every guy character that had some important relationship with the girls from the show had a tiny stint in the movie without a full storyline and yet there are a bunch of plot fillers like some old famous woman performing the ENTIRE "All the Single Ladies" dance routine.

But I digress, as the point of this post is not a review of the movie, but about a very singular part of the theme of the movie. Admittedly, it appears that when making this movie, the producers seemed to have realized that they don't have a very strong plot, so they will have to sell it by luring women with all the ideals in life a woman wants achieve, though pragmatically unattainable. This includes:

• A closet that looks like this:
  
• with the rest of the apartment looking like this (in NYC of course, and this image doesn't include their gigantic kitchen:
  
  
  
  
• a husband with a name like "John James Preston" who is a financial tycoon, tall, handsome good looking, and just wants to stay home and cuddle with the wife (i.e., Mr. Big in the movie)
• an ex-boyfriend like Aiden, who is sexy, fun, laid-back, travels around the world and is still in love with you even though he's married and have three kids
• a group of girlfriends who can drop everything in their rich and busy lives at three week's notice to go to Abu Dhabi with you.
• Have a career that allows you to have flexible schedule, including two published books and freelance for Vogue
• Go to your gay best friend's wedding and have people go up to you and tell you how much they admire you
• Dress up glamourously everyday even when you've been at home all day
• Dress up even more glamourously for the evening, when you got to a huge Hollywood premier
• Have both the men your life (husband and ex who is still in love with you) tell you that you're not "like any other girl"

Of course, the list goes on, but I stop here because this was something that really resonated with me.

In the movie, Carrie runs into Aiden at Abu Dhabi, and she goes out to dinner with him, and while chatting, they have a moment and Aiden looks into her eyes and says, "you're not like any other girl", and ten minutes later, though he loves his wife and kids, Aiden cheated on them by kissing Carrie. Mr. Big, after finding out that she has kissed Aiden, decided to buy her a huge black diamond ring when she got home from Abu Dhabi to remind her that she is married.

"Why black?" She asks.
"Because you're not like any other girl," he replies.

Beyond the fact that Mr. Big did something so fairy-tale like that this story-line really belongs in Twilight (zone, too, if you will, pun intended), what really behooves me is that Carrie appears to be just like any other girl, and when she does deviate from being like every other girl, it's a trait that no men want.

• she spent her life chasing after Big and wanted to tie him down
• she doesn't know anything about the world, doesnt care about anything in the world besides her shoes and her clothes, and can't have a conversation with Aiden about worldly matters
• she doesnt cook, at all, because, she tells Big, "you knew that I'm not that type of girl when you met me"
• she drags her husband out after a long day of work to a hollywood premier that he doesn't want to go to and gets upset cuz he's flirting with Penelope Cruz
• she goes to Abu Dhabi and makes out with her ex-boyfriend because Big hurt her feelings

I'm not saying that Carrie's character in this movie has no redeeming qualities, but to say that she is not like any other girl would be a bit of a dramatic stretch. Similarly, every time I hear a girl say that they don't think they are like other girls, it's usually a gross generalization on their part where they have specific traits that don't align with social expectations of female roles.

What Carrie embodies here is a fulfilled desire where some of her traits deviates from the social expectations of how a girl should behave, and therefore she is desired by men (there is, of course, some general sexism going on here that I won't get into).

The reality is, to have this desire is completely normal, and to some extent, benign. Women don't want to be like every other women because it would make them special. Who doesn't want to be special? Every girl wants to hear that they are not like anyone else and that they are special.

So in this case, what makes one special? Should you have to work on being special? There is definitely something to be appreciated when women are able to do extraordinary things in life, such as become the first female president or abandon their common life and perform charity work with people that need help. But plain janes like us, what can we do to make us special?

I have met people who go out of their way to be unique. Unfortunately, some who trash other girls and say they are nothing like the regular girl. I have also met girls who do illogical things to get attention and make them stand out from the crowd.

Should you have to try to be special and unique? Or is everyone already special and unique in their own ways?

And here, I think, is an interesting lesson from SatC2. There is nothing special about Carrie in this movie, in relations to the girls in the entire world. In fact, no one in the world would say that Carrie is a unique character (especially when most girls who watch SatC identifies with her). What Carrie does have though, are people whom she loves who also think that she is special....And isn't this what love is? To have people who love you appreciate you and find you to be unique for just being you, no matter how plain you really are.

And if we are still so inclined at working to become a different person, perhaps the thing to do is just to work at self-improvement, rather than work on being unique? Would that be more unique? Maybe that's why Carrie is special in the movie, because she is always self-reflecting and always trying to figure out what the right thing to do is?