Still About Shopping

I'm getting close to turning the big 3 OH.

When my I got my new job in Paris, I decided that for my first pay cheque, I should buy myself a nice legit high end handbag (about time right?). Well i kept procrastinating this task and doing other things that I just never got around to it. A couple of days ago, I pressed the mouse button and got myself a Nexus 7. Granted, the price is nowhere near the price of a nice bag - like 1/8th of the price, it made me wonder whether it would be easier for me to pull the trigger/press the mouse button on gadgets moreso than handbags. I think less guilt is involved with buying a gadget than a handbag. But then again, I don't think I've ever purchased anything over $300-$400 for myself before (The nexus 7 was $300 after tax, my marc by marc jacobs bag in 2012 was a little under $400 after tax and shipping, and my Asus Netbook in 2008 for just under $400 after tax).


Maybe about two years ago, I posted a conversation I had about actually just biting the bullet and getting myself something for my big 3 OH.

I have a few I have in mind - but am I gonna do it? I hope so...or not...AH.

Anyway, my posts are still about shopping. This is defeating the purpose...

The Girlfriend Zone

Disclaimer: 
1. I don't have this problem as I have lots of male friends who don't put me in the girlfriend zone. But this is similar to the response I provide people when they tell me any of my friends are interested in me - are you trying to tell me that I don't have anything to offer as a friend?
2. This is a satire of men's complaints of "Why do girls always put me in the friends zone?" but I'd also like to think it's mocking women with this problem..

From: http://literaryreference.tumblr.com/post/50677204942/why-do-men-keep-putting-me-in-the-girlfriend-zone

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date. 

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Gamesmovie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material. 

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class. 

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

Little Girl's Vanity

This was shared on my Facebook feed with a picture of Jada Pinkett-Smith and her daughter Willow Smith:

"Jada Pinkett-Smith is aware of the critics that stick up their noses at the way she raises her daughter, Willow. Willow cuts, dyes and styles her hair as she pleases, a fact that bothers many who feel girls shouldn’t have that much control over their appearance at such a young age.

Jada decided to address the criticism in a Facebook post:

“A letter to a friend…This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete. The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.”"

- Have a Gay Day

When I was growing up, my mom never let me do anything with my appearance because she said that I should not be so vain. Nevertheless after turning 16, I started to sneak things, like taking the bus to go dye my hair and then couldnt get back home. When I was 17, I got my cartilage pierced. By the time I was 22, I had four piercings on one ear, and one on the other. I didn't get my tattoo until I was 26. I can't tell whether or not I am what one would consider vain. I also cannot tell whether her prevention of my vanity made me less vain than I could have been. But either way, I did appreciate her for keeping my narcissism in check.

Provided that that the post is real, I think Jada Pinkett-Smith makes a valid point, but she doesn't actually address the point of whether or not she thinks it's important to keep her child's vanity in check. Perhaps when you let your child have control over everything, the child must also understand what type of responsibility comes with the control, which is often something a child is incapable of comprehending. I guess these type of things are contextual and the pull and release has to be different for every child. And in the case of Willow Smith, the understanding of vanity is likely more difficult. I mean how can you explain what vanity is to the child who is the product of  a superstar power couple and  who has made the billboards at age 9 (or however old she was)? On the other hand, maybe it's much easier for her to understand what vanity is because of that?

Don't Date a Girl Who Reads

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

-Charles Warnke 

From Thought Catalog

Canadian Non-Resident with Rental Property

Lately I've been trying to figure out the process of renting my place out before I move to Paris. Ironically, finding a tenant is the easy part - the hardest part is actually trying to figure out how the income tax is going to work. After refusing to call Canadian Revenue and searching online, and then finally giving in and being transferred a billion times, I've finally figured it out (I think).

To begin, all Canadian-income generated by a non-resident is subjected to 25% tax withholding from your gross income. That means if you are receiving $1000/month, you must pay $250 of that to Federal Canada every month, regardless of your expenses. At the end of the year, I don't even know if you can claim it back - I'm not really sure how that works, because this entry is not about that, it's about paying taxes just from your Net Income.

Now, if you are poor like me, the alternative to that would be to pay 25% of your NET income. That is, your gross income, minus things like maintenance fee, utilities (if you're paying), things you've fixed in the home, interest from your mortgage, property tax, etc. If all of that totals to $300/month, you only need to pay 25% of $700, which is $175/month. A tiny bit better. Nevertheless, in order to do this, you have several things you must do before you start collecting rent, as listed below.

1. Get an Agent: What's an agent you ask? Basically anyone who is a Canadian resident and has a Non-Resident (NR) Tax account number. Their responsibility is as follows:
• Submit 25% of your net rental income to Canada Revenue every month
• Fill out an NR4 Slip and NR4 Summary and the end of the year (Dec) and submit it to Canada Revenue


2. Agent Open a Non-Resident Account: This must be done by your agent as it will be under his/her account. S/he will need to call 1-855-284-5946 with the following information:
• His/Her name and address
• His/Her SIN
• Non-resident's name and the property rental information 
Once the account has been opened, the agent will receive an NR75, which is a form that specifies all the information with regard to the account. If all the information is correct, the agent does not have to do anything. Along with the NR75 are remittance vouchers - these can be used to pay for the monthly taxes at a financial institution. If you are paying on behalf of the agent online, you will not need those vouchers.


3. File an NR6: The NR6 is known as the "Undertaking to File an Income Tax Return by a Non-Resident Receiving Rent from Real Property or Receiving a Timber Royalty." This must be done at the beginning of every year (before your first rental income received of the year). This is an optional form that would only be filed if you want to do 25% of your net income instead of gross. On this form you must specify:
• Your information
• You rental property information
• Your Agent information, including the NR account number.
• A statement that details your gross rental income, and the deductions that lead to the Net income.
Once you filed the NR6, you must wait for it to get approved.

After steps 1-3 are done, the next thing you must do is ensure that you pay the withholding to the government on-time.

4. Pay the Government Monthly: You must pay 25% of your net income (the amount as approved by the NR6) to Revenue Canada on a monthly basis (this is the actual withholding), within 15 days after receiving your rental income. If you overpay, you'd be able to claim it back when you file your yearly income tax (which you MUST DO or else they will make you pay the tax from the gross income). There are several ways to pay - but the easiest way is of course electronically. I am going to be using My Payment, which will require that you have either a TD, Scotia, RBC, or BMO bank account. All you will need is:
• The NR Account Number
• Your Bank Account Number
• The amount and the period for which you are paying

At the end of the year what you must do is the following:

5. Agent Submit NR4 and NR4 Summary: This process is essentially done by your agent before March 31st. The steps are as follows:
• The agent fills out one NR4 and makes 4 copies of it
• one copy s/he keeps
• two copies s/he provides to the non-resident
• one copy he/she must send to the Canada Revenue Agency along with the NR4 Summary
• The NR4 Summary is almost exactly like the NR4 except that it tells Canada Revenue how many NR4 slips were sent throughout the year.


6. File T-1159: You, or the Non-Resident who owns the property, must file a T-1159 "Income Tax Return for Electing under Section 216" before June 30th of the following year. This is the most important(!!!!!!) part of the process. If you do not file this before June 30th, everything you have done is nullified and the government will charge you tax on your GROSS INCOME TAX and ask you for more money. If you file this on time, you might even get some money back because more tax has been withheld (for example, you had to fix your dishwasher, which can be deducted from your income, or your maintenance fee has increased, etc.) than necessary. If you never filed the NR6 then you have two years to file this form. You will need to also submit:
• A rental statement
• The NR4(s)


You can send the package to:

International Tax Services Office
Post Office Box 9769, Station T
Ottawa ON K1G 3Y4
CANADA 

That's all you have to do. For references, you can check the following:

• Information on Non-Residents 
• Rental Income and Non-Resident Tax
• Information on NR4
• Landlord.net's Summary on Non-Resident Taxes

Ideological Alignment

This is an interview of Malcom Gladwell given by the liberal arts director at High Point University in North Carolina. He's funny, witty, humble, and incredibly insightful.

When I first encountered the book a couple of years ago, The Tipping Point, I had scoffed at the idea of reading a book that tells you how to be successful. Recently, I was given to read The Outliers and I was extremely impressed with how observant and insightful Malcom Gladwell is on social interactions and their meanings. I then obtained that copy of The Tipping Point that I had refused earlier and rather enjoyed reading it as well.

I don't believe in learning how to become "successful" by reading, whether financially or socially, but what I do believe in is reading avoid dogmatism, and this books do exactly that.

There are several key reasons why I enjoy Malcom Gladwell's analysis on social bearings:

1. He's an environmentalist like me. Not environmentalist like I'm hugging the trees, but the belief that we are shaped by our environments. It's the age-old nature vs nurture debate where although it's never one or the other, I do agree with him that a large part of our "personality" are shaped by their social environment.
2. He doesn't preach or push his insights on you. Rather, he presents you with an alternative world view that you can either take or leave. He takes what the general public view is the "norm" and gives you a completely different perspective, and therefore a new concept, of how the world works.
3. He is a great writer. His writing is clear, logical, and well-presented. A+ on rhetoric. 

You are not supposed to walk away from his book with a new hard-fast rules of how to conduct your life, but rather with possibilities of new ideologies that make the world a better place.

Some highlights on this interview:

• "I was privileged to be underprivileged" Outsiders are able to see things differently because they are not acclimated and desensitized to a culture and what people think is the way things should be the outsiders don't see it the same way.
• "If you take care of the little things then it will instill the mindset that makes the big things easier" Steve Jobs is successful because he is a perfectionist with a purpose (not a perfectionist because he's got a disorder). He insists on perfecting the little things around him to fit his overall purpose--he understands that meaning doesn't just come from words or things, but also from all types of seemingly insignificatn actions and inactions around us.
• "Do not, by the way, listen to your ipod when you work...this is insane! I'm sorry, you can't do work, it just can't be done [...] Here is the two findings: number one is that everyone thinks they're great at multi-tasking; finding number two is, no one is." (I feel validated because I cannot work with music) He also mentioned that if you are doing brain-work and working efficiently, you can't work 8 hours a day.
• Wealth is not what it's cracked up to be...a cycle of discovery on your way to being wealthy, money is a conduit, and that's why people work hard all their lives who end up just giving it all away. This is the most profound part of the interview and worth watching.
• "[Leaders] have less in common than what I thought they would. Leadership comes in an astonishing number of forms" The only thing they have in common is energy. Energy can come from passion, from purpose, from drive, or from innate (some people just don't need to sleep as much) but the only thing that help them become leaders is that they never stop.
• "Your personality is a function of what is going around you" <-- environmentalist
• "The idea..that Social Power, which is to say, to be distinguished from economic power, which is the power that comes from money...or political power from institutions, or even institutional power, the power comes from your title. There is a different if not equally more important thing, a power called Social power, an informal way which influence is mediated in the world. Social power is not held equally by all of us; it's held by a small number of us with gifts. Some people have a capacity of social interaction that's way out here...they are enormously important in the functioning of this institution...the people with social power get really good stuff done...a high functioning organization depends on these people...people go to work, school because of the environment and it's these people who create functional environments. Understand where social power lies. Well-functioning societies reward those that do that." I'm not quoting his exact words because the section was so long and so in-depth, but this is one of the ideas that he tries to make us see that we don't usually understand, the idea that social interactions can have just as much, if not more, power, than money, institutions, title.

Grammy 2012

Love it:




Hate it:



On the Fence:

Letting Go

The Buddha said we experience the peace of nirvana by letting things be as they are. Indeed, applying the Beatles' exhortation to "Let It Be" to our lives can bring a lot of serenity and equanimity. [...]

Of course, if it were that easy, we'd all be enlightened by now. 放開--Letting go, letting be, or embodying the Buddhist term "nonattachment" greatly reduces and even alleviates suffering. In fact, it is the goal of Buddhism. Buddha taught that the cause of suffering is craving and attachment. Therefore, letting go of our tight-fisted grasping is in our own self-interest, as it helps erode our wellspring of dissatisfaction and anxiety.

...attachment is like holding on tightly to something that is always slipping through my fingers--it just gives me rope burn. But letting go--nonattachment--relieves the constant, painful irritation. A good example of this is not being able to fall asleep at night because you keep turning something over and over in your mind. It's one of those times when letting go is obviously a necessary virtue, and having some kind of relaxation tool can be extraordinarily helpful.

Scientific research has shown that people who are optimistic and have an ability to accept or let go of negative memories, experiences, and events tend to be healthier and live longer than people who are pessimistic and worry about or try to change things that are out of their control. Indeed, acceptance is actually transformative, and awareness is curative. Sometimes mistaken for passivity or complacency, acceptance has a powerful magic that is actually quite dynamic and creative. Have you ever noticed, for example, how accepting your mate rather than trying to change him or her ends up improving your relationship?

The easiest way to work on letting go and letting be is to notice your tendency to want things to be different from what they are and to practice giving up that strong preference. The Third Chinese Patriarch of Zen sang, "The Way is not difficult for those who have few preferences."

Read more: http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2000/12/Letting-Go-Letting-Be.aspx#ixzz1m2TuZSPJ

The Pseudopod: Come live with me and be my love

The Pseudopod: Come live with me and be my love

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of th purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my love.

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love.

- Christopher Marlowe

Dreamers vs Realists

"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true. See, the dreamers need the realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground."- Last night on Modern Family

Choices

“In an environment where you can have so many choices, you own the outcome in a way that you wouldn’t have, had the choices not existed. If reduction didn’t exist, women wouldn’t worry that by not reducing, they’re at fault for making life more difficult for their existing kids. In an odd way, having more choices actually places a much greater burden on women, because we become the creators of our circumstance, whereas, before, we were the recipients of them. I’m not saying we should have less choices; I’m saying choices are not always as liberating and empowering as we hope they will be.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/14/magazine/the-two-minus-one-pregnancy.html?pagewanted=5&_r=1&ref=magazine

Coldplay - Viva La Vida

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Jon Rafman

LH: Does the internet subvert the idea of a ‘master narrative’?

JR: No, I think the master narrative was subverted way before the internet became popular. I think it had more to do with the failure of major ideologies.

But I also think that we live in one world and we are not so different from one another, and that a universal discourse exists. If I experience fragmentation due to being overwhelmed with data, it may well represent contemporary reality and consciousness. Perhaps our subjectivity changes over time, but it is ultimately part of our shared human history. We are narrative creatures. No matter what, we will create stories that have patterns and arcs and consist of a series of events that can be recounted.

http://bombsite.powweb.com/?p=12240

Back to December - Taylor Swift

Click to download

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time

I love Sandra Bullock

I adored Sandra Bullock's acceptance speech yesterday at the Oscars. It made me absolutely teary:

Did I really earn this or did I just wear you all down?

I would like to thank the Academy for allowing me in the last month to have the most incredible ride with rooms full of artists that I see tonight and that I’ve worked with before and I hope to work with in the future, who inspire me and blaze trails for us. Four of them that I’ve fallen deeply in love with I share this night with and I share this award with.

Gabby, I love you so much. You are exquisite. You are beyond words to me. Carey, your grace and your elegance and your beauty and your talent makes me sick. Helen, I feel like we are family through family and I don’t have the words to express just what I think of you. And Meryl, you know what I think of you and you are such a good kisser.

I have so many people to thank for my good fortune in this lifetime and this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I know.

To the family that allowed me to play them, the Tuohy family, I know they’re in here and you’ll probably hear her in a minute......Maybe not. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to…

The family that made this film that gave me the opportunity to do something different. John Lee Hancock, Gil Netter, Alcon, Warner Bros., the actors, everyone who’s shown me kindness when it wasn’t fashionable, I thank you.

To everyone who was mean to me when it wasn’t… George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago. I’m still holding a grudge.

But there’s so many people to thank....not enough time, so I would like to thank what this film is about for me which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from. Those moms and parents never get thanked. I, in particular, failed to thank one. So…

If I can take this moment to thank Helga B. for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right. I would’ve done what she said I was gonna do. For making me practice every day when I got home. Piano, ballet, whatever it is I wanted to be. She said to be an artist, you had to practice every day, and for reminding her daughters that there’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love. So, to that trailblazer, who allowed me to have that. And this. And this. I thank you so much for this opportunity that I share with these extraordinary women and my lover Meryl Streep. Thank you.”

Regardless of whether you liked her before this or not, her speech was all win: graceful, humble, and full of class. Not to mention she looked dazzling. Below is the clip, at least until YouTube removes it.

Facebook Privacy Settings - Summary

I've never been someone who cared that much about privacy. I make some attempts to exert control over what gets published on Facebook feeds (e.g., me making a comment on someone's picture does not get published on my news feed but who I just became with does.) Really, my attempt at privacy was never consistent. For a while, I unlisted myself from facebook public searches, and then placed myself back but blocked my photo, and then I decided to show my photo but take away all other info. I mean circumstance changes all the time and the key really is to make informed decisions--though in the past, I never really paid attention.

I remember when FB rolled out their mini feed and home feed and everyone can get stalked...that created a huge disgruntlement among users but I thought the feature was really cool...I mean if you dont want people to know then just don't do it right? Recently Facebook rolled out a huge new privacy change and I finally got around too seeing what new options they have given you and what have been taken away. To be honest, I was a little surprised.

Here is a list of superficial stuff that I think matters for the average joe who's scared their boss might find a pic of them drinking.

1. There is a list of publicly available information that you cannot hide if you allow your facebook link to show up as a search result (i.e., someone who searches for your name on google might see a link to your limited profile as a search result). This includes your profile pic (you used to be able to hide it) and pages you are a "fan" of (why is that even available to be seen?!). The only way to prevent this information from becoming available publicly is to delist yourself from the search results. If you did not previously hide your friends list , that will also show up in a public search.
2. You can no longer control what shows up on your mini news feed and wall--although your old settings are still in tact. Remember back in the day when the mini news feed first rolled out and there would be a time stamp next to your activities (e.g., Jan 1 10:15am Lynn is now friends with Adam Kiu)? At the time, you were able to control what gets to be published or not--Don't show timestamp, check; publish relationship status updates, uncheck. All of this is now gone. If you have chosen not to publish photos being tagged of you, you can no longer make it show. If you have chosen to publish them, you cannot make them disappear. On top of that, the news feed also shows that you "liked" something and you can't make it stop.
3. If you want to hide your friend's list from your profile, you can...sort of. You can have your list of friends not show on your profile page but if you allow yourself to show up in public searches and did not previously hide your friends list, your friends list will still turn up when someone searches about you on google.
4. You can now block specific person/people from seeing particular status updates. If you want to stop someone from seeing a particular update, before you press the "Share" button, you can click on this little lock icon and block a specific person or a group of people from seeing that message (e.g., if I want to publish a video about Matt Chan that Matt told me not to publish, I can totally do that without Matt knowing.)

There are a couple of other small and big changes and behind the scene application-related privacy issues. The thing with privacy and worrying about third-party apps on facebook, imo, is that if you don't want your private information given to third-party software companies, then don't add third-party developed apps (like Tal) or just don't put any personal information about you on Facebook, hidden or not. Really, anything you put on the Internet can be compromised and be seen by anyone at some point so if you're that worried, just do put it on. It's all about calculated risk and what you value.

I'm pretty sure Facebook will have to change some of these issues soon, as they are still in a transitional period on privacy policies, as well as getting in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) (The Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC) has called on the FTC to investigate the changes that it says mislead users and "contradict Facebook’s own representations."), so we'll see if the changes I documented will stay.

Anyway, if you want a more detailed look at what the new privacy transition can do to your
http://dotrights.org/what-does-facebooks-privacy-transition-mean-you

The Origin of Boston Pizza

There's a Pizzeria downstairs of our complex called Regina Pizzeria. This place is the only place that rendered me to actually crave for pizza. Otherwise, I tend to go "ugh" when pizza is being served, anywhere. Sometimes Adam and I would order one of their gourmet pizzas, bring it upstairs, and eat it fancy...i.e., with wine.

When guests come and visit, we usually tell them about this place, and if they are so inclined, we'd go in, order a pizza, and have a few beer (or pina colada). After the guests eat the pizza, they'd sigh with satisfaction and say, "Oh, this is the real Boston Pizza," which would usually remind me of the fact that I have not seen a Boston Pizza anywhere in Boston.

Today, Kenny randomly msged me on MSN. "Why is it called Boston Pizza! [sic]" he asked. Not knowing the answer, I asked Google. The Boston Pizza website did not give me any story about its origin, but it did tell me to direct my questions to their three regional offices: one for Western Canada, one Eastern Canada (ON and the Atlantic), and one for Quebec...because obviously, Quebec is neither Western nor Eastern Canada... I know, right?! But I digress.

This information led me to believe that Boston Pizza is wholly Canadian...until I realized that there was a tiny link at the bottom of the "About" page for the U.S. site. Clicking on it led me to Boston's The Gourmet Pizza restaurant website, leading me to believe that perhaps it is American after all. So I go into their locations section, where they provided me a map of American States--the dark blue states are ones I can click on to find the locations. After clicking around all the dark blue States along the Atlantic (I still don't know where I am on the map), I realized Massachusetts is one that is NOT clickable. Double-checking on their pull-down list of States (I should have done that first) confirmed the fact that there is not, indeed, a Boston Pizza in Boston.

Finally, after doing some investigating, I found their "Our Heritage" page in the "Company Info" link menu, which proceeded to tell me:

1. The first Boston Pizza opened in Edmonton, Alberta in 1964.
   
2. It was opened by an illegal Greek immigrant who had jumped ship in Vancouver.
3. In 1998, Boston Pizza expanded "south of the border" into Dallas, Texas. "The Boston Pizza name was changed to Boston's The Gourmet Pizza to communicate [that] it's 'gourmet pizza.'"
4. The real reason why it was named Boston's is because "Boston was a recognizable and established name ... Boston Bruins, Boston Red Sox, Boston Celtics, Boston Cream Pie. It was the 'Big Leagues.'"

To take Adam's favourite phrase....Are you joking me?!

What a scam.

History and background of footbinding in Taiwan

Here's the less interesting part, very general as well and only focused on Taiwan.

Footbinding was a custom passed down from approximately a thousand years ago, though no one really knows the exact time period of when it started: the earliest speculated date is 221 BC - 206 BC, the Qin dynasty. The custom is popular mainly with the Chinese ethnic of Han, though not all cultural groups practiced such a custom (For example we based on the household registration data during the Japanese Colonial period that the Hakka did not hold such practice.). At first, the practice was mainly popular with the wealth royalties, as women were unable to move around and perform laborious work. However, this fashion trend slowly spread to even the poor and by the Ming dynasty (1368-1644), as long as it was economically possible, every household with a daughter would bind the daughter’s feet. (CITATION)

During the Qin dynasty, when the Manchurians took over China in 1644, the regime attempted to ban the practice of footbinding and did not allow their own people to begin such practice. Nevertheless, even the Manchurian laypeople, who had never held such practice, became absorbed in this fashion trend of binding the feet, allowing the practice to continue with the Han people for another 100 years, even though, for the most part, they never practiced themselves.
During this time, many women can to Taiwan from China, which not only popularized the custom of footbinding, but it became a mark of status. Nevertheless, in 1895, when Taiwan became under Japanese rule, footbinding came to be seen by the Japanese as a part of the Three Bad Habits (among opium and wearing of the queue) that needed to be eliminated. At the start, there was no official ban issued on footbinding, but the practice was merely advertised as a bad habit through education and the media in order to encourage the women to unbind their feet. For example, a report by the Japanese on a typhoon that hit Taipei On August 6, 1898, which caused a flood and 1390 houses to collapse, stated that of the 85 deaths that were caused by the typhoon, most were women with bounded feet. Many of the educated were the first to begin the anti-footbinding movement. In March, 1900, the first Natural Feet Society was established in Taipei, thereafter many branches of the Society was established in other parts of the province, among with other organizations with similar purpose. However, the custom was not so easily abolished and took until 1915 before an official ban was issued by the Japanese government to stop the practice. During the beginning of the anti-footbinding movement, most of the founders and members of the organizations were men who assured that all the women in their family have unbound their feet.

In 1911, an organization named Taipei Society for Unbinding Feet was established whose members were only women. At the time, it was believed that this type of organizations, originated by uppe rclass women, were the reason why footbinding became elminated so quickly soon after, as the Office of the Governor-General decided in a meeting in 1915 to completely abolish this practice and issued a ban at the beginning of the year. By August, there were approximately 763 000 women who have unbounded their feet, and was continuing to increase annually.

Why was it so difficult to convince the Taiwanese society to stop this custom when women were clearly subjugated to excruciating pain with injuries that hinders their movement for the rest of their lives?

What is footbinding?

Thought I'd share some stuff I wrote as an intro to footbinding, I haven't cited the source yet.

One cannot fully comprehend any discussion related to footbinding without understanding the process of how footbinding is done. There are different methods for binding the feet, of course, but all of which involve pressing the toes down as far into the soles of your feet as possible, so that the bones of your toes and your arch break. Then using cotton or silk bandages that are approximately ten feet long and 2-3 inches wide, the feet is wrapped firmly to keep the toes pressed against the sole, so that the broke foot is folded at the arch, and also breaking the side bones to make your feet narrow. The binding is then sewn tightly together and, depending on how wealthy the family is, the bandages get changed from once a week or everyday so that the feet can be cleaned and bandages can be tightened to continue making the feet smaller. This is done for about two to three years until the feet are the ideal length, which is around 3-4 inches.

In spite of the excruciating pain that results from having your feet broken and bounded by tight bandages, the girl is also asked to walk around to further crush the bones of her feet into a desired shape. Often, during this process, infections would result, sometimes leading to gangrene. However, it was seen as fortunate if the toes fall off, as that would make the feet even smaller. What would not be good is when the entire foot needs to get amputated. In fact, an adage that’s often recited by mothers who help bind their daughters’ feet transliterates as “no rot no small, more rot more good”, essentially pointing out that if the flesh doesn’t rot and decay, then it would be difficult for the feet to achieve the desired effect. (CITATION)

Does it bother you too?

This post really bugs me:

Charity gifts
Hi Toronto,

A friend of mine is getting married at the end of May, and I would like to get her a gift from a store that donates some of its proceeds to charity. Ideally, I would just make a donation in her name, but she and her hub to be really need some housewares and stuff to start a life together.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideally I'm looking for a store like www.eatmywords.org ( they donate proceeds to the Stephen Lewis Foundation), but in this case, I can't get them edibles.

Thanks!!

Does it bother you too?