One of the things that made me miserable in Boston was really no one's fault but mine. I spent a lot of time waiting.
I waited for Adam to get home from work, waited for him to stop working while at home or on the weekend, waited for him to stop thinking about work--waited until he was able to give me his full attention so we can spend time together. And then when he was finally finished with work, it was late and we needed to get ready to sleep (so we can work the next day.) It was a waiting game that often didnt work out.
And while I waited, I did almost nothing--unless you call Facebook games, online shopping, contributing to pointless yelp forums "something".
I've often told people that I felt stunted in Boston--intellectually, socially, professionally. I did nothing after work, not even read. I'd cook, and clean, and then wait. A lot of people probably wouldnt wait. They'd realign their focus elsewhere and sometimes it works out because you're not waiting, and then sometimes the two of you grow a part, eventually. For me, i just obtusely, unthinkingly waited, without any conscious awareness of how bored and lonely I became. And then I'd mourn for another lost day, for the loss of another day of youth and potential. (Perhaps it's my pessimism talking, but I can't help but feel that the older you get, the less possibilities in life..)
I know that I had no one but myself to blame for this; my parents have always warned me that I am too dependent. Yes, it's true. And then the back lash. Now I'm here, alone, doing my own thing, going to places, feeling more fulfilled, with a sacrifice of something I had lost along the way.
But it doesn't need to be like this. It doesn't have to be one way or the other.
I shouldn't need to be mad at myself for waiting. I just have to stop waiting, that's all. Find the balance between over-dependence and over-independence.
Or, something else altogether? I'll figure it out. Life kinda makes you.
For now, I'm ok.
Showing posts with label affairs of the heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label affairs of the heart. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
Wo(men)
It's been a weird and dreadful day.
Never had I spent a day trying to resolve disastrous situations with the same person over and over and over again. Just when I thought a situation has been diffused, another one arises. It seems like to end a conversation on a positive note has been impossible, regardless of either of our attempts.
It's been a cycle of: indignant treatment--> hold temper --> diffused; new indignant treatment --> hold temper -- diffused. Repeat.
On the one hand, i am proud of myself for having diffused the many problems.
On the other, i almost feel like the whole holding temper thing is quite useless, because if someone needs to feel upset, no matter how many times you try to diffuse the anger, they'll find something else.
It's defeating.
Perhaps the key to all of this is that if the person is in a bad mood, just shut up and let them be upset without saying anything, regardless of how unreasonable they are. And dont bring up stuff that's possibly going to upset them. Everyone has bad days right, i guess you just need to let them have it in peace, like they let you have bad days in peace?
I believe that's how men deal with their wives/girlfriends because these type of bad days happen to women all the time, much of it because they're hormonal. And although men also have bad days, they happen less frequently and very rarely due to hormone, so we tend to forget they also need patience.
This is hard. Which only means putting up with me is hard.
Never had I spent a day trying to resolve disastrous situations with the same person over and over and over again. Just when I thought a situation has been diffused, another one arises. It seems like to end a conversation on a positive note has been impossible, regardless of either of our attempts.
It's been a cycle of: indignant treatment--> hold temper --> diffused; new indignant treatment --> hold temper -- diffused. Repeat.
On the one hand, i am proud of myself for having diffused the many problems.
On the other, i almost feel like the whole holding temper thing is quite useless, because if someone needs to feel upset, no matter how many times you try to diffuse the anger, they'll find something else.
It's defeating.
Perhaps the key to all of this is that if the person is in a bad mood, just shut up and let them be upset without saying anything, regardless of how unreasonable they are. And dont bring up stuff that's possibly going to upset them. Everyone has bad days right, i guess you just need to let them have it in peace, like they let you have bad days in peace?
I believe that's how men deal with their wives/girlfriends because these type of bad days happen to women all the time, much of it because they're hormonal. And although men also have bad days, they happen less frequently and very rarely due to hormone, so we tend to forget they also need patience.
This is hard. Which only means putting up with me is hard.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Masochism
When I was in Boston, I'd keep all my receipts and about once a month, I'd sit down and sort through them and enter them into my spreadsheet and see if everything balances and hits budget. I had an envelope for every type of receipt: furniture, groceries, eating out, household, clothing, gifts, etc. They were all neatly organized, placed in the bottom drawer of one of our nightstands.
Sometimes, i'd get lazy. I'd have a stack of receipts sitting hidden in my closet and it would take me months before I look through them, which is probably how I just came across a giant envelope of unsorted receipts stemming from the last accountable date of...a year ago.
Rather than just tossing everything out at once, I masochistically sat down and looked at each individual receipts before placing them in the recycling pile. Oh, this one is from Chicago, this from New Orleans, this from the airport before the family trip to Yosemite. Not to mention all the Walgreens, Starbucks, Stop and Shop, Margaritas, Qdoba, and Quiznos receipts. I can look at each one of the itemized receipts and still recall all the events associated with them.
One of the Stop and Shop receipts showed a bunch of fruits. I hate fruits; I never eat them. I remember that night when we went to Stop and Shop and he said he wanted to make fruit salad, in an attempt to be healthier. I protested. He promised he'd break the cantaloupes and melons, wash the grapes, and cut the pineapple--yes, even the pineapple. I was dubious. "Come on, you're just going to let those fruits sit there and rot and forget about cutting them." I was half-wrong. Two giant containers of fruits sat in our fridge, half of which rotted and eventually went into the garbage. It was a good attempt, nonetheless.
The only receipt I allowed myself to save from this giant pile is one of the many that were from Walgreens. On the particular receipt there was a nailpolish, a top coat, an illuminator, an eyeliner sharpner, and snickers ice cream. I don't remember what day or what month that receipt is from (although if i look more closely i can find out), but I recall that day being cold and I was bored at home and it was dark. So we took a walk to the walgreens downstairs, just to check it out, for the millionth time. I remember spending soooo long in there picking out make up on sale while he waited for me in the other aisles, and then feeling guilty about buying make up. So he offered to pay. I remember we walked home hand in hand and for some reasons we sat in the lobby in front of the TV and I remember telling him how happy I was and how it was one of my favourite days.
Getting rid of these receipts makes me wonder what footprints I left in Boston. If these receipts are gone, is there going to be any proof that I had a life there? Sure there are documents like my TN Visa, and my banking papers...but what about about the proofs of my day-to-day there and how i spent my time? In five years, when there are no more little relics and momentos that creep up out of the left field, will the last couple of years feel like another life altogether that I can no longer remember?
Does the past ever matter for our future?
One day, when I again must filter through all the paperworks I manage to horde over the years, I might come across this receipt again and realize that I no longer have a place for it. But for now, I guess it will stay buried among the pay stubs, the credit card bills, and tax papers.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Blind Faith
I turn 27 in January.
A couple generations ago, at age 27, people were already married for a few years and were having kids. Things seem to have been so easy back then, to find the right person, to be with the right person, and to have a family with the right person.
Or was it?
I guess the theory doesn't stand if you start accounting for all the divorces, and the billions of books on relationship published since the beginning of time.
I grew up in the suburbs and so did most of my friends. We're all about the same age, plus or minus one or two.
None of the people in my groups of friends are married. Some are in serious relationships but with no immediate plans of marriage. Some are in pseudo-serious relationships with no plans of marriage. Some are single.
Those who are single are looking. They deal with their uncertainty in many ways. Some are scared to let themselves take the plunge even when meeting the potentially right person. Some are dating serially in hopes of finding the right one soon. Some try to change themselves, some don't. Some lament about their lack of relationship status, some try not to think about it, some convince themselves that they are happy, some really are happy.
Those who are in pseudo-serious relationships are the ones who are settling. Some have convinced themselves that they are with the right person, even though deep down inside, they are still wondering whether the person they are with is the one. Some know they don't truly love the person and that there are problems, but they don't know what else to do. Some people are happy with settling. Some people are not. Some people are not even sure. But when you settle, everyone else around you can tell.
Admittedly, relationships aren't easy.
In fact, relationships are so complicated that there's just no right way of doing something. I didn't settle and I accepted the fact that I could be single for the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who can settle, who wants to settle, and who needs to settle. And there are people who can't bear the fact of being alone. I dated around but I didn't sleep around. But that doesn't mean that there aren't people who don't date around and still found the right person. It also doesn't mean that if you sleep around you won't.
And then there's a difference between being in a happy relationship and being in love. I genuinely believe that you can be in a happy relationship without being in love, but it depends on your personality.
I'm no relationship expert, but here is my take on it...
A happy relationship, for me, is this:
I honestly believe that we all have so much time still to find the right person, as long as we keep believing. Cheesy, I know, but I really mean it.
A couple generations ago, at age 27, people were already married for a few years and were having kids. Things seem to have been so easy back then, to find the right person, to be with the right person, and to have a family with the right person.
Or was it?
I guess the theory doesn't stand if you start accounting for all the divorces, and the billions of books on relationship published since the beginning of time.
I grew up in the suburbs and so did most of my friends. We're all about the same age, plus or minus one or two.
None of the people in my groups of friends are married. Some are in serious relationships but with no immediate plans of marriage. Some are in pseudo-serious relationships with no plans of marriage. Some are single.
Those who are single are looking. They deal with their uncertainty in many ways. Some are scared to let themselves take the plunge even when meeting the potentially right person. Some are dating serially in hopes of finding the right one soon. Some try to change themselves, some don't. Some lament about their lack of relationship status, some try not to think about it, some convince themselves that they are happy, some really are happy.
Those who are in pseudo-serious relationships are the ones who are settling. Some have convinced themselves that they are with the right person, even though deep down inside, they are still wondering whether the person they are with is the one. Some know they don't truly love the person and that there are problems, but they don't know what else to do. Some people are happy with settling. Some people are not. Some people are not even sure. But when you settle, everyone else around you can tell.
Admittedly, relationships aren't easy.
In fact, relationships are so complicated that there's just no right way of doing something. I didn't settle and I accepted the fact that I could be single for the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who can settle, who wants to settle, and who needs to settle. And there are people who can't bear the fact of being alone. I dated around but I didn't sleep around. But that doesn't mean that there aren't people who don't date around and still found the right person. It also doesn't mean that if you sleep around you won't.
And then there's a difference between being in a happy relationship and being in love. I genuinely believe that you can be in a happy relationship without being in love, but it depends on your personality.
I'm no relationship expert, but here is my take on it...
A happy relationship, for me, is this:
- Self-knowledge. Understand yourself, know your strengths and flaws, and don't be greedy. Nothing in life will ever be perfect, but if you can figure out the best ratio for gain and compromise for you, and you alone, then it's easier to be happy.
- Commitment. Make sure you can commit to your decisions. If you decided to settle, don't question it and regret it. If you are going to question it and regret it, then don't settle and commit to not settling. If you're always flip-flopping in between, things will never be easy.
- Risk. To let yourself love, and be loved, is always always always a risk. Because you can wake up one day hurt and wounded. Because you can wake up one day alone, and regret never having settled for someone whom you did not love but would have kept you company forever.
- Luck. But luck comes to those who are prepared.
- Belief. Sometimes it's just blind faith that the right person will come along.
I honestly believe that we all have so much time still to find the right person, as long as we keep believing. Cheesy, I know, but I really mean it.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Rock
I realize the following paragraphs will become a conversational piece, especially for some of you who have been silently keeping up with this blog, but it probably doesn't mean what you think it means.
On my flight back from SFO on Wednesday, the woman sitting next to me reminded me of Kim Kardashian, except in her late 30s if not early 40s. She had long dark black hair and olive skin, and despite she moves and talks with the utmost forced femininity, the thick amount of makeup couldn't hide all the thick and thin lines across her entire face. From afar, there's no doubt she looked good: leather jacket, TNA leggings, still in good shape, etc. It's not hard to tell that she takes good care of herself; from the American Express she keeps swiping on the screen in front of me, the Mac Air she was using the entire flight, and the GIGANTIC rock on her finger, you can tell she has both the time and the money to take care of herself--and she does.
I swear the diamond on her finger was unnaturally large, maybe the size of a dime, and obviously a lot thicker (2-3cm?). I'm not gonna lie, I couldn't stop looking at it and secretly wished that one day I can sport a rock this big. And herein lies the irony---just a few days ago, J, one of my awesome awesome coworkers at Fremont, was telling me how she had a dream wedding last year in Prague with close families and friends for an entire weekend (40 ppl) and a dream honey moon (10 days on a small Greek island, removed from any signs of tourists, at a cottage on top of the hill, overlooking the island) while completely forgoing an engagement ring. Her wedding ring had a diamond on it, but it was not those big engagement ones.
At the moment when J was telling me about her whole wedding, I was thinking that this is exactly what I had always wanted--I don't wear jewelery and I don't care to have a large wedding that requires a year's worth of planning--I just want to celebrate the occasion with people i love, and just have fun.
And here is where I feel like I need to clarify again: If you guys are thinking that I must be wedding-crazy and that you guys are about to be attending our wedding, just know that nothing is happening any time soon.
But yes, I have been thinking about weddings and honeymoons lately, and what I want to do for mine. I can't seem to help it. Recently, left, right, and center, I'm attending weddings, looking at ppl's wedding photos, and hearing people talk about weddings. I know I have mentioned all of this before, but when I was little, I never thought about what my wedding would be like, or what my ring would be like, because I just never thought about it. Now that everyone is getting married, it probably won't hurt to just think about what I would want to do one day, because, admittedly, it is an important day--I don't want to look back one day and regret that I had a nonchalant attitude towards me taking a huge step in my life, right?
Anyway, every time I go to a wedding, hear about a wedding, read about a wedding of someone I know, etc., my mind will change a bit. I do know that I want a wedding with just people I know, and not a bunch of people I've never met in my life. And I want simplicity and elegance, which sounds cheesy but thats the type of cheesy i want.
But what about the rock? Big? regular? or none at all?
Thankfully, this decision won't need to be made imminently.
In all likelihood, if i were a billionaire (or married to a billionaire) i'd want a gigantic ring but end up never wearing it.
Since I am a middle-class consumer, I guess perhaps I should really opt to skip the engagement ring and put the money toward something else. Would that be too pragmatic?
Sometimes I feel like pragmatics and relationships are mutually exclusive. It's like trying to put logic in love...
On my flight back from SFO on Wednesday, the woman sitting next to me reminded me of Kim Kardashian, except in her late 30s if not early 40s. She had long dark black hair and olive skin, and despite she moves and talks with the utmost forced femininity, the thick amount of makeup couldn't hide all the thick and thin lines across her entire face. From afar, there's no doubt she looked good: leather jacket, TNA leggings, still in good shape, etc. It's not hard to tell that she takes good care of herself; from the American Express she keeps swiping on the screen in front of me, the Mac Air she was using the entire flight, and the GIGANTIC rock on her finger, you can tell she has both the time and the money to take care of herself--and she does.
I swear the diamond on her finger was unnaturally large, maybe the size of a dime, and obviously a lot thicker (2-3cm?). I'm not gonna lie, I couldn't stop looking at it and secretly wished that one day I can sport a rock this big. And herein lies the irony---just a few days ago, J, one of my awesome awesome coworkers at Fremont, was telling me how she had a dream wedding last year in Prague with close families and friends for an entire weekend (40 ppl) and a dream honey moon (10 days on a small Greek island, removed from any signs of tourists, at a cottage on top of the hill, overlooking the island) while completely forgoing an engagement ring. Her wedding ring had a diamond on it, but it was not those big engagement ones.
At the moment when J was telling me about her whole wedding, I was thinking that this is exactly what I had always wanted--I don't wear jewelery and I don't care to have a large wedding that requires a year's worth of planning--I just want to celebrate the occasion with people i love, and just have fun.
And here is where I feel like I need to clarify again: If you guys are thinking that I must be wedding-crazy and that you guys are about to be attending our wedding, just know that nothing is happening any time soon.
But yes, I have been thinking about weddings and honeymoons lately, and what I want to do for mine. I can't seem to help it. Recently, left, right, and center, I'm attending weddings, looking at ppl's wedding photos, and hearing people talk about weddings. I know I have mentioned all of this before, but when I was little, I never thought about what my wedding would be like, or what my ring would be like, because I just never thought about it. Now that everyone is getting married, it probably won't hurt to just think about what I would want to do one day, because, admittedly, it is an important day--I don't want to look back one day and regret that I had a nonchalant attitude towards me taking a huge step in my life, right?
Anyway, every time I go to a wedding, hear about a wedding, read about a wedding of someone I know, etc., my mind will change a bit. I do know that I want a wedding with just people I know, and not a bunch of people I've never met in my life. And I want simplicity and elegance, which sounds cheesy but thats the type of cheesy i want.
But what about the rock? Big? regular? or none at all?
Thankfully, this decision won't need to be made imminently.
In all likelihood, if i were a billionaire (or married to a billionaire) i'd want a gigantic ring but end up never wearing it.
Since I am a middle-class consumer, I guess perhaps I should really opt to skip the engagement ring and put the money toward something else. Would that be too pragmatic?
Sometimes I feel like pragmatics and relationships are mutually exclusive. It's like trying to put logic in love...
Saturday, September 18, 2010
UP
Regardless of how many times I watch up, I always bawl my eyes out at the opening sequence and the part where he goes through the Adventure book last time, and then let her go. My all-time favourite movie., though I always struggle before watching because I'm not sure if I want to suffer the emotional ordeal.
Friday, June 11, 2010
At that age?
I'm starting to get a little sick of reading about people my age getting married and having babies on facebook. Although they are mostly classmates from high school or college, and not any of the friends I hang out with regularly, it still reminds me of how OLD I am and how my body is expiring.
Yet I am so not ready to get married yet, let alone have a baby.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD PEOPLE!
On another note, I wonder what it is about all my friends being my age or older, with none of them close to marriage? Socio-economic background? Which one of you is gonna be first? :D
Oh, btw, Congrats Ben and Yvonne, way to make me feel old =)
Yet I am so not ready to get married yet, let alone have a baby.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD PEOPLE!
On another note, I wonder what it is about all my friends being my age or older, with none of them close to marriage? Socio-economic background? Which one of you is gonna be first? :D
Oh, btw, Congrats Ben and Yvonne, way to make me feel old =)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Institution of Marriage
For some odd reason, I feel that everywhere I turn nowadays, the talk of marriage is ubiquitous. I mean, yeah, last summer, I heard about people's weddings and attended some, which sparked some thoughts about marriage in my head, i.e., what type of wedding I would like, but the fleeting thoughts quickly turned into what am I going to eat tomorrow and will I be a bum for the rest of my life, etc. But as spring arrives and wedding season approaches, the talk of matrimony seems to be crawling in and not out of my life. You know, first I hear about my ex-boyfriend's wedding , then news of my semi-friends (people I sometimes hang out with but not often enough to attend their weddings) began to show up in my chat windows and next thing you know, the news consummates with pictures of engagements and weddings my Facebook home feed (excuse the pun, I couldn't help it). I hang out with Adam's cousins and it's all wedding talk, as one of them is getting married. It seems like even when I turn on the TV (by tv I mean ninjavideo.net), I somehow end up watching shows and movies about marriage (bride wars, rachel getting married, grey's anatomy, even the simpsons where marge and homer had to remarry for the fifth time).Perhaps one of the most exciting, and somewhat disturbing for me, news is my friend, a girl I met in first year, whom I consoled about her relationships throughout undergrad, has gotten engaged to someone I also know. Not that I'm not excited for her, I'm actually genuinely happy that the guy she went out with in our third year is the one for her and I think they're such a great match, it's just that I feel a little left out that I'm not even close to that step. It's hard to convey this dissonance I have. Whenever I hear about people I know are engaged and getting married, I get this pang of anguish, like, when is it my turn?! At that point, I usually have to remind myself that I don't want to get married yet. And yet every time the pang jolts me, I wonder whether or not I'm lying to myself about not wanting to get married right now.
Countless number of ppl have asked me when's the big day for me and Adam and I keep telling them not any time soon: we are neither in the financial nor in the mental state to become a married couple. So what is bothering me?
The question really boils down to what is marriage and what is so important about getting married? And what is the difference between being in a loving relationship vs. getting married? Here's a list of what the institution of marriage provides for us that a common-law relationship cannot:
- A wedding - a procedure to formally announce, as well as to celebrate, your matrimony to and with you family and friends.
- Security - an assauging contract that states you will have a life-partner whom you can depend on financially or the law will lay its fingers on said partner (until you get a divorce anyway)
- Symbolic proof - a promise to each other that "you are the one" and that you have found someone who will love you unconditionally.
- Stability - knowing that you will never have to be alone again and not having to go out and look for a partner.
So here is the part where I get to apply these points to myself.
- Do I want a wedding? Sort of, but not right now. I don't want a big wedding, just like 20 ppl I love being there. And currently I don't have the time, the finance, nor the will to plan a wedding.
- Do I need the law to ensure I have emotional and financial stability? No, I hope I never have to depend on a man for financial stability the law cannot make a peron be emotionally supportive. Maybe eventually if I have kids.
- Do I need a symbolic proof from Adam that I am the one? I am NEVER one for symbolic gestures. You can always break your promise.
- Do I want stability in my life? Yes, I do. And therein lies the pang of anguish. I envy the people who are moving into a stable part in the course of life. What getting married means is that they are (or at least should be) financially and emotionally stable enough to be married. It's a stage in life that people will get to eventually. The reality is that there are such things as divorces. Marriage may give the illusion of stability of relationship, but it is not eternal assurance. I envy that they are at the part of their life that is stable but I am clearly not there yet, not until both Adam and I have a job and have found a place to live in which we are both happy. Getting married will not make anything in my life "stable." Thus, the envy is not in the marriage, but in that I feel to be a little bit behind in life, compared to some.
Marriage? Doesn't guarantee any of that.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
The title of this post is a quote from Oscar Wilde. Man I love him! Though of course that's not really the point of my post. The point, of course, is Wai and Yein's wedding.
Adam came back last last Friday so he can attend his favourite cousin's wedding on the next day (28th). Wai and Yein have been going out since they were in high school (8 years ago!) and they have been planning their wedding for like the last two years.
Given that it was the week after Rowena's wedding, there were definitely a lot of comparative comments in my head. However, since they were the only two weddings I've really ever been to, i don't really know what the norm is.
Row's wedding ceremony was held at a church in Markham early in the morning. It lasted 15 minutes and no vows. Her reception was at New Century Palace across from my house. YW's ceremony was held in Shangri-La, the same place as their reception, early in the morning as well, but it was like 2-3 hours long. Adam's sister was playing the piano for them and Adam's brother and his bro's friends played strings. Everything was white with blue accent to match their beach theme (whereas row's was white with gold accent. the decoration was eerily similar, so was the food).
The wedding party is on the left. Note Luke Perry on the very left. The right is the band getting ready for the ceremony.
They said their vows which made everyone cry and then performed a Sand Ceremony, as a representation for their nutial. After that was a small reception and the waiters carried around trays of finger foods. Then lots and lots of pictures and then the Chinese Tea Ceremony. And then more pictures.
The left is the Sand Ceremony and the right is Adam's mom's side of the family. Crazy, eh? He had uncles flying here from France and LA!
Here is a pic of Adam stuffing his face with finger foods. My boyfriend is so attactive. The other one is with Adam's family.
After the ceremony part was over, there was some time in between for both weddings, though a lot less for YW's cuz their ceremony was significantly longer. Adam and I arrived at the reception promptly because we were supposed to help out, but we didn't get to do much. I mainly just did the signing in for a while. The pic below is me and the girls at the front handing out seashells that directed people to their table. Each shell had a person's name and his or her table number. It's adam's cousins on my left and the bride's little sister on my right.
YW's wedding wasn't really big (280 compared to Row's 600), but required really crazy planning. The wedding party entered the reception like a show, the couple performed a dance for us that they practiced for days, Yein played a piano solo for Wai, and she changed like 4 times.
My pics will have to stop here because I haven't gotten all the pics from Wai yet. We took most pictures with his camera because Adam was one of the designated photographers. Which kinda explains the pic below ;)
How did YW's wedding make me feel? I felt like I wanted a wedding so I can wear all the beautiful dresses that Yein got to wear. But when I was looking through their planning folders and watching ppl stress out as things go wrong, and just the sheer number of people and amount of work required to plan a wedding like that, makes me really want to elope. Seriously.
Small wedding in Hawaii or something. Just immediate family. That would be nice.
Adam came back last last Friday so he can attend his favourite cousin's wedding on the next day (28th). Wai and Yein have been going out since they were in high school (8 years ago!) and they have been planning their wedding for like the last two years.
Given that it was the week after Rowena's wedding, there were definitely a lot of comparative comments in my head. However, since they were the only two weddings I've really ever been to, i don't really know what the norm is.
Row's wedding ceremony was held at a church in Markham early in the morning. It lasted 15 minutes and no vows. Her reception was at New Century Palace across from my house. YW's ceremony was held in Shangri-La, the same place as their reception, early in the morning as well, but it was like 2-3 hours long. Adam's sister was playing the piano for them and Adam's brother and his bro's friends played strings. Everything was white with blue accent to match their beach theme (whereas row's was white with gold accent. the decoration was eerily similar, so was the food).
The wedding party is on the left. Note Luke Perry on the very left. The right is the band getting ready for the ceremony.
They said their vows which made everyone cry and then performed a Sand Ceremony, as a representation for their nutial. After that was a small reception and the waiters carried around trays of finger foods. Then lots and lots of pictures and then the Chinese Tea Ceremony. And then more pictures.
The left is the Sand Ceremony and the right is Adam's mom's side of the family. Crazy, eh? He had uncles flying here from France and LA!
Here is a pic of Adam stuffing his face with finger foods. My boyfriend is so attactive. The other one is with Adam's family.
After the ceremony part was over, there was some time in between for both weddings, though a lot less for YW's cuz their ceremony was significantly longer. Adam and I arrived at the reception promptly because we were supposed to help out, but we didn't get to do much. I mainly just did the signing in for a while. The pic below is me and the girls at the front handing out seashells that directed people to their table. Each shell had a person's name and his or her table number. It's adam's cousins on my left and the bride's little sister on my right.
YW's wedding wasn't really big (280 compared to Row's 600), but required really crazy planning. The wedding party entered the reception like a show, the couple performed a dance for us that they practiced for days, Yein played a piano solo for Wai, and she changed like 4 times.
My pics will have to stop here because I haven't gotten all the pics from Wai yet. We took most pictures with his camera because Adam was one of the designated photographers. Which kinda explains the pic below ;)
How did YW's wedding make me feel? I felt like I wanted a wedding so I can wear all the beautiful dresses that Yein got to wear. But when I was looking through their planning folders and watching ppl stress out as things go wrong, and just the sheer number of people and amount of work required to plan a wedding like that, makes me really want to elope. Seriously.
Small wedding in Hawaii or something. Just immediate family. That would be nice.
Monday, June 23, 2008
The first wedding bell
On Saturday, I attended the first wedding among my high school friends. The ceremony was at St. Andrew's Church in Markham and started at 11am. Our group gathered at Nick's house at 10am so we can all go there together. We have not dressed up as a group since prom, so this was a pretty significant event for us, on top of which Row's also the first of our friends who got married. As my prof says from Cognitive Rhetoric, "And now the dominoes begin to fall..."
Unlike most girls, I never really dreamed nor thought about my wedding. I was certain that I wanted to get married when I'm 23 (ahoy! I'm 24...) but that was about the extent to which the word marriage crossed my mind. You hear a lot of stories about girls who get married because they wanted a wedding and I never really understood the glamour that's attached to having a big wedding. After going to Row's wedding and seeing how happy she was, the thought of getting married for the sake of getting married is actually even more absurd to me.
Recently I watched the movie 27 Dresses and the main characters discussed their favourite part of a wedding. They both said their favourite part was looking at the joy of the groom's face as he watches the bride walk into the altar. We sat at the top balcony and had a good view of the ceremony taking place and thus, I couldn't help but watch the groom's face as the bride walked in and, as cheesy as it sounds, the joy and excitement, or rather, the love, shown on Paul's face as Rowena was led into the church really made me understand why there are people out there who cry at every wedding. And Rowena too, she looked so beautiful and so radiant...so happy. Watching her smile actually made me teary and emotional just knowing how happy she must be. I mean..just look at them!!!
Why would you want to have a wedding in the absence of that emotional bond between yourself and your significant other? To me, that connection is intrinsic to the wedding. As glamourous and expensive the wedding, what makes the wedding a wedding is that almost palpable mixture of the connection between the two newly weds and the bliss that permeates the air. Without that feeling, a wedding is just another dreadful, drawn-out social event, like a company Christmas party with a bunch of people you probably have never even exchanged hellos.
I don't want to say that going to Row's wedding made me want to get married, but going to her wedding made me stop not wanting to have a wedding. It actually made me look forward to the day that I can feel as happy as she does. As idealistic and impractical as it may sound, I don't want it to be about the wedding...or even marriage...I just want that blissful anxiety, the moment when you can't wait for your life to start with the person you love. I know.. cheese....
At any rate, Row's reception apparently had around 600 people...now that's a big wedding. Here's our table and here's some of us in a pic with Rowena. Doesn't she look so pretty?
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