Humble Aloe

me:  man im such a genius

 Matt:  lol

pat yourself on the back some more why don't you?

 me:  im patting it so hard im starting to get a bruise

  Matt:  I have some humble aloe you can use on it

Parlez-Vous Anglais?

Random American: Parlez-vous anglais?
Me: Oui...er..I mean yes I do..
A: My daughter really likes your shoes - where did you buy them? Or what brand is it?
Me: Sorry I got them in Singapore..they were 10 bucks on the street market...
A: How did a Singaporean girl like you end up in Paris?
Me: Actually I'm not Singaporean, I'm Taiwanese. I was just in Singapore for work
A: Wow your English is really good!
Me: Well...I grew up in Canada...
A: Wow, you get around!

....

Stamped

L: travelling from France to most places in Europe means i dont get a stamp :/
M: haha isnt tat good so u dont have to fill up ur passport so fast
L:  i have a new passport of 24 pages, it's never gonna be filled up <sigh>
M: loll 1st world problem...
L: HAHAHAHA

AC: "Healthy Living"

Matt:  don't u know it's airline policy to have at least 1 crying baby on every flight. they pay the mothers
lynnie : air transat must be losing a ton of money they have like 8 crying babies on every flight
Matt: aha, it's all part of their customer experience, it's a worthy expenditure for them just like how they pay for the flights to not line up with their connecting flights, like, ever
lynnie : who doesnt LOVE extremely long layovers
Matt: exactly. customer service
lynnie: just enough time to fall asleep on the bench, not enough to leave the airport
Matt: or like they're doing u a favor by making u land in terminal 1 at O'Hara and have to get to terminal 3 in 10 min good exercise for you, part of Air Canada's "healthy living" plan

Noise Pollution

lynnie: TIRED of the noise pollution
K: well it's either banging or mom nagging. Which do u hate more? haha
lynnie: mom nagging haha..i forgot u had noise pollution in ur life too
K: REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?1
lynnie: hahaha i still wouldnt move back home despite the banging, at least u can wear ear plugs; you cant wear ear plugs when ur mom nags
K: oh u said u hate mom nagging more. see? there, putting things in prespective for u = )

Running Bread

lynnie :
so i was looking for some spare container i can put jen's plant in
and i came upon a bag of bread
that was here since 3 weeks ago
and it is fully green
and wet
it was so gross
i should have taken a pic
so nassssty
dripping
[...]
that bread was sooo nasty
i cant stop picturing it


Matt:
lol
it would've been the best if u went to pick it up
and it ran away from u

I'm looking for her too

H: i am waiting for somewhat sane lynn to return. i think i last saw her in 2008; traces in 2009.

If anyone has seen her, please give me a clue as to where she is.
Reward to be expected.

What language do you use to talk to yourself?

Census Lady: how many ppl live here?
Me: Just me
CL: What language do you speak at home?
Me: ....

Politically Incorrect

This conversation made my day

me: ok, i need a HUGE favour lol
there's a girl on craigslist giving away moving boxes
i was wondering if its possible for u to help me out :D
so i have boxes for boston :P
and the money i save from the boxes can be many bags of kettle chips

H: u can use my car if that's good with u
u can buy me a drink ;)

me: lol ok

H: i want a bottle of cristal

me: um

H: though the economics of that might not work out for u anymore

me: lol i was trying to figure that one out too
how many boxes can i get with a bottle of cristal?

H: probably a small workshop of cambodians building u boxes

me: hahahahahahahaha i'm blogging that

The guy who never compliments

Andrew after I got off the phone with my mom: "Man I hate China Mandarin"
Me: "uh....thank you? I'll take that as a compliment...?"

The closest he will ever get to giving a compliment.

Rebellion

Lynn: I got a tattoo!!!
Justin: WTH?! Are you rebelling or something?
Lynn: Against what??
Justin: I dunno...the world? ...your age?

Getting Ready for Dirty Thirty

[...]
H: is this u trying to wrangle an LV bag out of me?

L: how do you think i get all my stuff :P

H: hahhaa... i still have no idea

L: lol

H: incredibly low standards? :P

L: hahaha....btw, i have no love for lv...i have yet to find a 2k bag i really want

H: good for u...u can use 2k for a lot more... like travelling...haha i don't get bags

L: in a way i kinda dont either.. i mean i like bags but i havent found one to me will be worth 2k cuz to me 2k bag will have to last forever, never go out of fashion, and i wont ever be bored of it, which is impossible

H: those are difficult criteria to meet

L: lol yeah, because 2k is a lot of money!

H: i don't know if anything in this world could ever meet that

L: you know what im gonan do? im gonna start a handbag fund. if i put 100 dollars aside a month in two years i'll be able to get something thats appx 2400

H: hhaha u could do it. i'd even elicit outside donors..start an awareness campaign

L: what if i just put that 100 dollars in a jar every month?

H: do u even want a handbag? u don't seem like the handbag kinda girl

L: well i keep talking about it like i talk about getting a tattoo...ive been saying for so long i want *one*....i have a lot of handbags tho

H: hahah what is this? lynn impulse era

L: hahaha i know everything i've deprived myself of doing, im gonan do it all at once

H: i feel like ur gonna get tattooed, jump out of a plane, and sew a handbag at the same time...take it easy, lol...ur not on ur death bed :)

L: lol...well i have a two year plan for my handbag!

H: i agree with the plan

L: although 100 is a lot a month... maybe i can do a three year plan

H: a nice 30th bday present for urself

L: lol wooo sounds like a plan!! although i already missed two months..

My blank is better than your blank

lynnie: plus, im convinced that no matter what ur place looks like, mine is gonna be better
MUAHAHAHAHA
Matt: disagree
lynnie: you would, wouldnt you
Matt : mine has hand laid wood floors
yours has BOSTON
ergo, mine is better
QED
lynnie: yours has you, and mine has ME
ergo mine is better
QED
:D
Matt: it has not been established that u are better than me
therefore your argument is flawed
lynnie: haha so is urs
Matt: whereas my floors are DEFINITIVELY better than Boston
lynnie: how does that even work
my car is better than your slippers
Matt: well you see
matt's floors = awesome
and boston = the suck
lynnie: my lamp is better than your door
Matt: and since awesome > the suck
lynnie: my bathroom is better than your pencil
Matt: then by association, matt's floors > boston
lynnie: my book is better than your chair
Matt: yo man, my pencil totally owns ur bathroom
u have not seen my epic pencil
lynnie: LOL
my tissue box is better than ur booger
Matt: if God wrote the commandments w/ a pencil he would surely use one just like mine
unfortunately he actually chiselled them into stone
lynnie: my chisel is better than your stone
QED
Matt: I don't have a stone
lynnie: wait
i dont have a chisel
nm
Matt : lol even if u did that would not be a particularly sour point for me
lynnie: my name is better than your mirror
my elevator is better than your middle finger
Matt: my hour is better than your LIFE
lynnie: haha, see finally u make a comparison that makes sense, though untrue
Matt: or... completely true
lynnie: fine u can have that one
Matt: LOL
lynnie: but my apartment is still better
Matt: I'm not sure that's the one u wanted to give up Lynn

story of a live-in couple

adam: i have so much to do....[lists his things]
me: do you want me to help you pack then?
adam: yeah, sure
me: ok, what do you want to bring? which shirts? the orange polo? blue-stripe polo?
adam: uh....what?
me: the polos, which ones? the orange one or the blue stripe one or both?
adam: ...oh! both
me: ok, what about t-shirts and shorts?
adam: uh...what?
me: t-shirts and shorts? which ones?
adam: you know when my parents go on vacation, my mom just packs everything for my dad.
me: .........

Do you see two common themes?

J: speaking of forgetting to bring (haha) thank you for delivering my watch to Jen next week :D
L: oh yeah
dammit i better remember that
maybe i need some incentive for me to remember
J: hahaha
Daily fb wall reminders, with personalized messages attached?
L: um, that will make me forget :D
J: evil :*(
L: so lets talk about incentives :D
J: lol, what is it going to cost me
L: i dunno...what do u have to offer?
J: friendship? Baskin Robbins coupons?
L: not free ice cream? just coupons?
...how valuable is your watch again?
J: it has sentimental value!!
fine free ice cream!
L: which means it's invaluable you would say?
and that it's worth more than the cost of the watch itself
hmm....
J: lol I am so being hustled
L: and ice cream is what? $3.00?
J: plus tax
L: i am thoroughly enjoying this
in case you haven't noticed :D
J: yes, I am fully aware!
L: so 3.50 for a very nice Seiko watch with invaluable sentimental values attached
sounds like i'd be gypped if i accept this offer
J: damn it, if you were Adam I could throw in ***ual favours :(

[subject was conveniently changed]

[some 20 minutes later]

L: btw, what's it feel like to be without your watch?
J: I had to revert back to an old watch that ran outta batteries! So I replaced that. It's weird. A lot heavier than my other watch, took some getting used to
L: oh, so i guess you really would like your watch back, huh
J: what do you think?! :P
L: oh, i'm just making sure, that's all
it's important to put a fair price on what i'm selling so fact check is warranted :D
J: :(
L: haha
sad face doesnt work on me
i use that on other ppl all the time
J: :****(
L: you still have four days to make acceptable offers
so no worries
lots of time to think about it :D
_________________________________________________
E: yo
L: yaow
E: did you pass my Quest shirt to Jay Kwan?
L: erm...no...lol..
we forgot it at home
we should keep it hostage until u pay us back tho
hahahaha
since now im hustling jay
i might as well hustle u
E: we'll be mean to you
L: How? im not even in the city
E: when we visit you
hahahha
L: haha, u cant visit me and be mean to me
that defeats the purpose!!
E: yes i can! i can go see Adam.
hahhahh

Cougar Alert

Yesterday, I posted the following on my FB:

Mike Zhang and I are trying to figure out who I should go for, Leonardo DiCaprio who is 8 years older than me, or Taylor Lautner who is 8 years younger than me. The real questions is, which one can I pull off better, dating an 18 year old or a 35 year old? Btw, Inception has rekindled my love for Leonardo DiCaprio. Gotta dig out my old posters from Romeo & Juliet and Titanic ♥

It garnered a lot of responses...mostly girls.

And then monica msged me today.

_________________________________________

- mun.:
lynnnnnnnnnnnnnie!
so did you decide
leo or talyor

Lynnie:
hahahahahahahahaha
whoever i can get!
i think taylor might be tired of all the old women drooling over him

Lynnie:
i just googled taylor lautner
his abs are....
i feel like a pedophile

- mun.:
hahahhahahahhah
DROOLS?
hahahha..
you must have saw this one
http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2009/03/taylor-lautner-shirtless-abs.jpg&imgrefurl=http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/03/19/ashley-greene-taylor-lautner%25E2%2580%2599s-shirtless-scenes/&h=300&w=300&sz=24&tbnid=YcGHK-pdvvqzTM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtaylor%2Blautner&hl=en&usg=__4ME35vAu-9qGskws5JQ_ZXBG7ic=&sa=X&ei=-kNGTKaSJ9CKnQem09HiA
8 pack!
hahahhah

Lynnie:
i did! i asked adam if they were photoshopped
he said they were real

- mun.:
well
how do you tell
look kinda airbrushed in that pic

Lynnie:
thats what i was telling him
and i said makeup helps it get defined better
but then we looked at a few other ones
and he deemed them real
i'd like them to real
so im really not gonna refute that

An Antithesis

Harvey says (3:09 PM):
your i love toronto posts are hilarious, mayor miller should hire you
lynnie says (3:09 PM):
lol which one? cuz there are many =P
Harvey says (3:10 PM):
all of them, they sound so enthuastic..."You can call Toronto boring (and it really is), but who says boring isn't a good thing if that's what you are known for?"
hahhahahaha
lynnie says (3:10 PM):
hahaha, well i think it's boring in a city way, like it's a nice and boring big city; whereas there's boring like waterloo, in a you want to throw up when ur here kinda way

Before I descend the wagon

I have decided to stop following U.S politics. I am sad to say that I jumped on the band wagon because Palin was driving it and what a mistake that was. The lack of seriousness displayed by both the republican party and the people supporting them towards the current political arena makes me sad. But before I go, I want to share with you some insight by Harv and an article from the NY Times that's insanely funny yet insightful.

Harvey says (1:24 PM):
this election is way more serious than this
we have an economic crisis the likes of which we have not seen in decades
two wars
iran about to get a nuclear weapon
north korean still powering theirs down
pakistan transitioning from mushareff with tensions with india
while pakistan and india have nukes and historical tensions
the most ineffiicient healthcare system in the world's industralized countries
lynnie: stercorem pro cerebro habes says (1:24 PM):
ww3
Harvey says (1:24 PM):
i don't see it, but definitely local conflicts that have global reprecussions at the very least if it's not addressed
lynnie: stercorem pro cerebro habes says (1:25 PM):
but i mean, how do you expect the public to pay attention to something so far away, albeit important when you have a circus clown runnign around being a distraction
Harvey says (1:25 PM):
no, but i wish they did
i mean, i've been following this the whole year, every day, because this is what matters
this is how serious each citizen's choice is
_________________________

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/opinion/21dowd-sorkin.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=Bartlett%20Obama&st=cse&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Now that he’s finally fired up on the soup-line economy, Barack Obama knows he can’t fade out again. He was eager to talk privately to a Democratic ex-president who could offer more fatherly wisdom — not to mention a surreptitious smoke — and less fraternal rivalry. I called the “West Wing” creator Aaron Sorkin (yes, truly) to get a read-out of the meeting. This is what he wrote:

BARACK OBAMA knocks on the front door of a 300-year-old New Hampshire farmhouse while his Secret Service detail waits in the driveway. The door opens and OBAMA is standing face to face with former President JED BARTLET.

BARTLET Senator.

OBAMA Mr. President.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

BARTLET leads OBAMA into his study.

BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

OBAMA Look —

BARTLET — and selling Air Force Two on eBay?

OBAMA Joke all you want, Mr. President, but it worked.

BARTLET Imagine my surprise. What can I do for you, kid?

OBAMA I’m interested in your advice.

BARTLET I can’t give it to you.

OBAMA Why not?

BARTLET I’m supporting McCain.

OBAMA Why?

BARTLET He’s promised to eradicate evil and that was always on my “to do” list.

OBAMA O.K. —

BARTLET And he’s surrounded himself, I think, with the best possible team to get us out of an economic crisis. Why, Sarah Palin just said Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” Can you spot the error in that statement?

OBAMA Yes, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t funded by taxpayers.

BARTLET Well, at least they are now. Kind of reminds you of the time Bush said that Social Security wasn’t a government program. He was only off by a little — Social Security is the largest government program.

OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

OBAMA Which was?

BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.

OBAMA And?

BARTLET I was.

OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

OBAMA What do you mean?

BARTLET I’m a fictional president. You’re dreaming right now, Senator.

OBAMA I’m asleep?

BARTLET Yes, and you’re losing a ton of white women.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET I mean tons.

OBAMA I understand.

BARTLET I didn’t even think there were that many white women.

OBAMA I see the numbers, sir. What do they want from me?

BARTLET I’ve been married to a white woman for 40 years and I still don’t know what she wants from me.

OBAMA How did you do it?

BARTLET Well, I say I’m sorry a lot.

OBAMA I don’t mean your marriage, sir. I mean how did you get America on your side?

BARTLET There again, I didn’t have to be president of America, I just had to be president of the people who watched “The West Wing.”

OBAMA That would make it easier.

BARTLET You’d do very well on NBC. Thursday nights in the old “ER” time slot with “30 Rock” as your lead-in, you’d get seven, seven-five in the demo with a 20, 22 share — you’d be selling $450,000 minutes.

OBAMA What the hell does that mean?

BARTLET TV talk. I thought you’d be interested.

OBAMA I’m not. They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

OBAMA You’re saying race doesn’t have anything to do with it?

BARTLET I wouldn’t go that far. Brains made me look arrogant but they make you look uppity. Plus, if you had a black daughter —

OBAMA I have two.

BARTLET — who was 17 and pregnant and unmarried and the father was a teenager hoping to launch a rap career with “Thug Life” inked across his chest, you’d come in fifth behind Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and a ficus.

OBAMA You’re not cheering me up.

BARTLET Is that what you came here for?

OBAMA No, but it wouldn’t kill you.

BARTLET Have you tried doing a two-hour special or a really good Christmas show?

OBAMA Sir —

BARTLET Hang on. Home run. Right here. Is there any chance you could get Michelle pregnant before the fall sweeps?

OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

BARTLET Well ... let me think. ...We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know ... I’m a little angry.

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

OBAMA Good to get that off your chest?

BARTLET Am I keeping you from something?

OBAMA Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know all of that and it took you like 20 minutes to say.

BARTLET I know, I have a problem, but admitting it is the first step.

OBAMA What’s the second step?

BARTLET I don’t care.

OBAMA So what about hope? Chuck it for outrage and put-downs?

BARTLET No. You’re elite, you can do both. Four weeks ago you had the best week of your campaign, followed — granted, inexplicably — by the worst week of your campaign. And you’re still in a statistical dead heat. You’re a 47-year-old black man with a foreign-sounding name who went to Harvard and thinks devotion to your country and lapel pins aren’t the same thing and you’re in a statistical tie with a war hero and a Cinemax heroine. To these aged eyes, Senator, that’s what progress looks like. You guys got four debates. Get out of my house and go back to work.

OBAMA Wait, what is it you always used to say? When you hit a bump on the show and your people were down and frustrated? You’d give them a pep talk and then you’d always end it with something. What was it ...?

BARTLET “Break’s over.”

<font face="Corbel">

lynnie says (1:00 AM):
what font are you using?
nicholas says (1:00 AM):
corbel, similar to tahoma
lynnie says (1:05 AM):
there doesn't seem to be anti-alias
nicholas says (1:06 AM):
do you have cleartype turned on?
lynnie says (1:12 AM):
on msn?
nicholas says (1:12 AM):
in windows. display properties -> appearance -> effects -> use the following method to smooth edges of screen fonts
lynnie says (1:17 AM):
ah! huge difference
nicholas says (1:17 AM):
=P
lynnie says (1:17 AM):
im such a nerd for even noticing
[...]
lynnie says (1:45 AM):
one day ur head will explode with knowledge
nicholas says (1:46 AM):
it will be glorious
lynnie says (1:46 AM):
ROFL

Newly discovered aphorism from me and jen

Being a hermit is a guilty pleasure