Second Pregnancy: Week 7-8

A few people have asked me surprisingly how i was brave enough to go through with another pregnancy after how sick i was the first one, and whether if i had just forgotten how bad it was. I guess the answer is both yes and no. I recall wanting to stab my stomach, not being comfortable, and lying on the couch at moira watching friends because i couldnt get myself up to do anything. I remember everythign made me gag, even making my own popscicle didnt work. in fact, even looking at the popscicle maker made me sick.

And yet, i had forgotten what it was REALLY like and how fucking miserable i am. the other day, i told caleb i wanted to be run over by a truck, and he asked me forward or backwards..haha. i also told him i wish there was something that could incubate me and put me to sleep for eight months because im having trouble handling it.

I find it all more stressful this time around. i suppose it has to do with the fact that my first pregnancy, i spent the whole month of the worst puking in india. i vaguely remember after the first two weeks in india, the third and fourth i pushed myself to get into the office (i would puke there) and wouldnt get into the office until past 10am or maybe even 11am. 

This time, the first week i ended up being on "vacation". Vacation being in quotes is because we took the trip south of france and i wanted to do nothing. Andrew wanted to do nothing too, but carm wanted to do everything, so there was a bit of tension. I also feel super bad because ive been harassing everyone about coming to france for so long, and i am essentially an invalid when they get here. The week was miserable. i was tired and wanted to puke all the time and it was very stressful for me beacause i felt guilty about just wanting to lie in bed all day. But honestly, the guilt is not all that different from this week.

We got back from the south on sunday and i was supposed to go to sweden on monday night, come back wednesday for a two day training. i ended up not showing up to any of it and have been lying on the couch trying not to gag and watching big bang theory whenever i feel like gagging (which is all the time) to distract me and passting the time. it makes me feel so immensely guilty that i am not really working. To make matters worse, they moved my email account to 365 and it broke my outlook set up so i cant easily sort through my emails or figure out my calendar. in order to fix it i need to call someone from IT or go to the office, neither of which i am really up for. 

Next weekend, starting thursday,  i am supposed to go to amsterdam - all booked with my mom and my brother too. i do not have the energy to go. end of september i am supposed to go back to toronto for a wedding. i am very close to believing i am not going to make that wedding. I havent made it to the lab to get my blood test yet - i cant bear to walk 15 minutes to do this. i have these weird hives happening and the house is so flipping hot. i do not looking forward to amsterdam this weekend at all....

I have to say i really miss living at moira's. I haven't left the house for four days now. I'm backreading my pregnancy log and there were so many things around (and partly because i was often on my own), i would leave the house to run errands. Where i live now, the only thing thats near me is the grocery store across but my mom is cooking so i dont have to go. i have no drive the leave the house now since everything is a trek these days.

Second Pregnancy: Week 6

No one is probably reading this these days so i think it's safe to post here. But if you are still reading this because you have gotten a google notification that i'm posting again, you should totally just send me a message to say hello.

You see it in the post title - i'm preggers with #2 at 6 weeks at the moment - so too early for any congratulations. But i wanted to write this stuff down because i realized that i have forgotten all the stuff i am supposed to do whilst pregnant and coming back to this blog has actually helped me.

Last time i was pregnant, i had moira help me call necker to register me there and just went from there. This time, i have no moira next to me so im trying to do everything myself - and things are a bit uncertain.

I've mostly made up my mind that i want to go semi-private this time at ste felicite after hearing all the information about how wonderful they are, but i have not actually had any experiece or seen the hospital, or how much it costs. I tried getting an appointment with a fav doctor at ste felicite and his first appointment is either next week, where i will be in the south of france, or all the way on the 3rd of oct, which i found really frustrating. I realise that most of the first appointments in public hospitals isnt until week 12 anyway (necker gave me oct 2 at 9am) but i was hoping sem-private would give me more options. i tried calling around other doctors but because it's mid-aug no one is even picking up. Good stuff. I ended up calling Necker as a back up option and i also registered online at necker and at ste felicite to give me a peace of mind.

It's been hard with a toddler. Daycare is off right now and i was just in india for two weeks (longest i've ever been away from him) and he's extra clingy. Even writing this post, with caleb behind me doing stretches, and my mom in the kitchen, he still wants me to hold him and sit with me.

Speaking of india, it was a bit crazy on the last day with the throw up and the diarrhea. i have been having liquid bowel movements since the day i left india thursday (four days ago now). we are going to the south of france tomorrow. it's not great timing. i woke up in the middle of the night sitting on the toilet in great pain, which makes me wonder if it's going to affect the pregnancy. But there's no tmuch to do at the moment until i come back from south of france.

i feel a lot more anxious this time around, but less pukey - so far. but what makes it worse is now my 2 year old is screaming behind me in need of attention.