Childhood memories

Have you ever looked back at your childhood and hated some of the stuff you did?
There are so many things as a child that I did that I am not so proud of and wish i could go back and change things, despite the fact that i wasn't consciously trying to be nasty.

Every Hallowe'en I am reminded of when I used to hide my candy underneath my bed and check them everyday to make sure that my brother did not steal them. On one hand, I was saving them and I didnt want to eat them all at once the way my brother used to eat his candy, on the other, I wanted to use the candy as leverage such as chocolates i don't like but he likes to trade for stuff i do like. But usually, by the time the next hallowe'en came around, most of them would still sit underneath my bed and they would have to be thrown out. It boggles my mind why I didn't just share them with my brother.

Another selfish thing that I really hate myself for was when when i was in grade 2 and my brother went to some fair and got two huge colouring books. He came home and gave one book to me and i saved those pages like treasures, colouring them only once in a while in fear of it running out. My brother, on the other hand, just coloured all of them (not very carefully either) and wanted to colour in mine. I refused to let him colour in mine and one day when i opened the colouring book, i found some of the pages torn out. I got really upset because my brother was "stealing" from me, which was a horrible concept, and told on him. My brother got in huge trouble (i think he got spanked) for it. A couple of years late, when I came across the colouring book again, it turned out that i only coloured like maybe 10 pages out of like 500 pages (it was a really big thick book). I remember i didn't want him to colour in my book because i wanted my book to stay pretty and he never coloured within the lines, but it so wasn't worth it in the end.

I'm sure I did nice things too when i was a kid, but when i look back and think about the not-so-nice things, it really makes me cringe and feel really sad. Obviously, people would just tell me that I should let go of the past and just be a better person now, but it still bothers me from time to time.